My Only Sunshine
by Mon Esprit Libre
Summary: The celestial body known as the sun is the reason that Zoro is dead and Luffy is blind. Crack. Dedicated to my dear friend Cloud Piece, as it was her birthday (kind of) recently. One-shot, rated T.


**Title: My Only Sunshine**

**Rating: Rated T.**

**Pairings: LuSun (Luffy x the sun).**

**Genre: Parody.**

**Summary: The celestial body known as the sun is the reason that Zoro is dead and Luffy is blind. Crack. Dedicated to my dear friend Cloud Piece, as it was her birthday (kind of) recently.**

**Regarding Q&A: Any questions regarding the story can be asked via PM or review.**

**Beta: N/A.**

**Warnings: Intense language and stupidity.**

**Category: One Piece.**

**Uploaded: December 14th, 2013**

**(Section Break)**

"God, I want to kill someone."

Zoro looked over, perturbed. "Luffy?" he asked cautiously.

Luffy blinked once, looking back over his shoulder as he sat on the _Sunny_'s figurehead. "Oh, nothing." He then murmured, "Who can I kill, though...?"

"Luffy...?" Zoro asked again.

Luffy looked upwards. His mind seemed to clear as he stared into the sun in an effort to blind himself. "Of course," he muttered. "Why didn't I think of that?" He smiled. "Thank you, Sun-san."

"That's not how that works," Nami sighed, suddenly appearing as she hit Luffy on the head because he was being a dumbass. "You gotta say Sun-sama."

Luffy continued looking at the sun. "But the sun is my friend," he said. "Oh fuck, my eyes burn."

"Luffy, what the hell are you doing?!" Zoro yelled, standing up suddenly. "Nami, why the hell aren't you doing anything?"

"Pretty..." Luffy murmured, entranced. "Hey, Sun-san, do you have a phone number I can have?"

"I SAID IT WAS SUN-SAMA, IDIOT!" Nami screamed, hitting Luffy again. He was launched off the figurehead of the ship, flying, and fell into the ocean.

"WHAT THE HELL, NAMI?!" Zoro yelled, jumping over the rail. He plunged into the icy salt water, swimming down quickly. He grabbed his captain by his hair, but quickly found out that even underwater his hair was still for some reason stretchy. Adjusting his grip to be around Luffy's torso, he began resurfacing, but someone was blocking him.

_Sanji?_ he thought confusedly, looking up. The chef was glaring down at him, blocking out the sun. Luffy groaned underwater, blinking in the harsh sea, and the swordsman attempted to get around the human embodiment of eyebrows. He failed, however, and fell unconscious.

Later, he woke up tied to the anchor of the ship.

"ASSHOLE!" Usopp screamed at the green-haired first mate. "YOU LET OUR CAPTAIN DIE!"

Zoro spluttered. "No - I - Eyebrow got in the way - the witch -"

"STOP MAKING UP EXCUSES!" Chopper wailed, tears falling out of his eyes. "LUFFY'S BLIND, TOO!"

"What...?" Zoro questioned. He was confused - not only was Luffy dead, but he somehow was blind, too.

"The salt got into his eyes, and paired with the damage of Sun-sama's beautiful rays, blinded him," Robin stated impartially. "This is your fault, Zoro. He would not have died if you had made him keep his eyes closed."

"HOW THE HELL IS THAT MY FAULT?!" Zoro screamed.

"IT'S YOUR FAULT BECAUSE I KNOCKED HIM OVERBOARD!" Nami screamed back.

"THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!" Zoro yelled. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU?!"

"I believe it's because Luffy-san died," Brook said somberly. "I am unsure why everyone is reacting in such a violent manner, however." He laughed. "Oh wait, no I'm not. Fuck you, Zoro."

"What the hell?" Zoro muttered.

"I can't believe Zoro-bro would do something like this," Franky garbled. "I just...Luffy-bro..."

"WE SHOULD KILL HIM!" Sanji shouted. "HE KILLED OUR IDIOT CAPTAIN!"

"YEAH!" Nami cheered. "You go, Sanji-kun!"

"THINK OF WHAT SUN-SAN WOULD WANT!" Luffy's corpse screamed. Everyone paused, looking confusedly at what had just happened.

"Did he just talk?" Chopper asked. "AHH! HE'S ALIVE! HE'S A ZOMBIE! WHERE DID I PUT MY CROSS?"

"GET BACK, ZOMBIE!" Usopp yelled. He then paused. "Wait - if he's a zombie, then why isn't he burning in the sunlight?"

"It's because Sun-san loves me," Luffy's dead body replied, looking lovingly (and blindly) into the large star. "I love you too, Sun-san." He giggled. "Drop the -san? Okay. Sun-chan."

"So Sun-sama's a girl?" Franky mumbled.

"NO, FRANKY, GOSH!" Luffy screamed. "JUST BECAUSE I'M USING -CHAN DOESN'T MEAN SUN-CHAN'S A GIRL! STOP BEING SO SEXIST!"

"So Luffy is gay?" Robin inquired.

"I'm not surprised, the fucking idiot," Nami muttered angrily.

"Luffy-san..." Brook mumbled.

"What the fuck is going on?" the green crayon of the crew asked.

"Oh, hey, Zoro," Luffy greeted. "I hate you. You killed me and took me away from Sun-chan." His fried eyes stared horrifyingly at the swordsman. "Goodbye."

With that, the anchor was hoisted off the ship, and Zoro died within the sea all because of Nami.

What a bitch.

**(Section Break)**

**Dedicated to Cloud Piece. I love you, you whore. Sorry for it being late as shit.**

**Blame my friends. They're all fucks.**

**Also, if you review, virtual cookies. If not, that's fine too. As long as you like the story, everything's all good!**

**Shameless advertising: **Cloud Piece is wonderful - go bother her for a while. I also have several other crack One Piece fics, one of which I referenced, if you're interested. I also-also have a parody one-shot for Naruto, if you want to read it, called _A Way to Win._


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